Can i get some opinions on my latest short story (FIRST PARAGRAPHS)?

Apart from the lack of speech marks and the use of the word ma'am (I don't see anyone in a job centre using that word. They would either use madam or most probably Mrs whatever the name is) I think the writing is very good. It flows well, has style and has certainly piqued my interest to the point where I would carry on reading if there were more to read. Keep the story going and if you continue to write as you have done here then the story will read very well. Good luck with your story and your writing.