Poem *Departure*! Love it,hate it, critique it.?

I felt that the message was there but smoothness isn't. When I write a poem I do it one line at a time and not about the whole thing and just let the words flow. If I think of a line that I think has potential I write it down and try to work with it. If i have two ryhiming lines I read them several times to see if there is flow, if not I try something else. My preferred ryhme scheme AABB. When I write a poem in ABAB I write the A lines first then the B lines. Maybe try that? Hope this helped